A miscarriage is an extremely painful experience that can feel very isolating at the same time. Many women feel like coping with an event like this is an impossible task. Rest assured, it’s not. This is a very difficult time, but you will get through this. Just keep moving.
Give yourself time and permission to grieve
Because coping with a miscarriage is grieving about your lost baby. But also about those hopes and expectations you had for yourself and for your baby. You can feel sorrow, anxiety, fear, anger… it can be very similar than grieving for a lost relative or close friend. Give yourself permission to feel those emotions. If you can, take time off work, even if you feel physically fine. Your doctor will provide you with a certificate to justify your absence. Remember that everybody grieves differently and it can take more or less time to different people.
Let go of the guilt
Many women feel extremely guilty after a miscarriage. It’s important that you bear in mind that it’s extremely unlikely the miscarriage happened for something you did or didn’t do. It is estimated that 20% to 33% of human pregnancies end in miscarriage, even if the woman didn’t even notice. And in the vast majority of cases, there is no cause to be found for the miscarriage. No, that one beer you had before you found out you were pregnant did not “make you have a miscarriage”. The good news is that the body recovers pretty fast from a miscarriage (you’ll start ovulating around two weeks after the event), and that one miscarriage (or even two in a row) will not affect your future ability to conceive. Your next pregnancy is more likely to be healthy than another miscarriage. Talk to your doctor to feel reassured, but feel free to start trying for another pregnancy again whenever you feel ready after two normal periods.
You are not alone
Miscarriage feels very isolating because nobody talks about it. That, combined with the often overwhelming grief can make you feel as if you are alone. But you are not. One in five women experience at least one miscarriage in their lives, you will be surprised by how many share their stories with you if you decide to break the news about your loss. Your friends and your partner are there for you too. Don’t feel pressured to talk about it if you are not ready yet, but know that they will be there for you when you are. You can also look for support groups of women who have gone through a similar thing. Remember that your partner is grieving too and while you both will feel like you want to avoid saying the wrong thing, it’s important to keep communicating openly. You will get through this.